I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
These tits shall not be calmed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
