I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
