glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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