remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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