you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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