We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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