College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
