i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
