I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
