so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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