I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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