Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
