my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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