Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
