do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
