I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
