I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
