He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
