that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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