we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize