were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize