I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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