I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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