yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
