Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
