I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
