I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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