i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
