maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
