can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize