i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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