FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
