I want to make a zoo with you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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