Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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