i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
