i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Everyone says I win the strip club
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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