When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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