some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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