that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I touched a dick in church today
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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