my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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