what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
