tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
