oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
