I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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