Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
