dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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