Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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