a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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