My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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