he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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