On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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