My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
