I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
