my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
