Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
