thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
