Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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