Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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