I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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