Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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