I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
