she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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