He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
