Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're a waste of cheezeits
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
