The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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