I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
