just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
