I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
