Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
