I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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