we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
