Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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