This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and she was petting her beer can
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
