Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
