I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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