I accidentally had phone sex last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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