I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
