im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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