I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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