There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
